Bashing your X on Social Media

By April 6, 2017Posts

Must be nice for the “Father-of-The-Year” to take vacations without paying child support.
I can’t believe how immature SOME PARENTS can be! You know who you are.
Wow!  The (expletive) decided to (XYZ).  What a (expletive)!

We have all probably seen posts like these on social media at some point.  I remember seeing one (no one I knew, a Facebook friend of a friend) who was apparently having some custody issues related to holiday visitation. With this particular status, this individual aired a slew of dirty laundry related to the X spouse, complete with sordid details that included profanity-laced name-calling and threats of using law enforcement.According to the details posted, at least from the posting party’s point of view, the anger of the individual who was posting this was probably justified.

However, I have a thought on using social media to bash the X:


WHY?  Well, there are several reasons, in my opinion.

  1. There is a time and a place.
    Yes, the X can be frustrating and actions of the X can stir up a great deal of anger. Anger and frustration are OK because they are normal human emotions. A healthy release of this is, well, healthy. Acceptable methods of expressing anger and/or frustration may include: confiding in a friend, venting in a divorce recovery support group, counselor, pastor or Christian mentor, or writing in a private journal.  Blasting your raw emotions on social media is almost never productive; in fact, it can be counter-productive, especially if there is a chance for reconciliation or simply maintaining a civil relationship.
  2. Not everyone needs to know.
    Airing dirty laundry in public (social media) can be dangerous and can backfire easily. Don’t forget that everyone can see these things: employers, church members, X spouse’s friends, your children, your children’s friends.
  1. There can be legal consequences.
    By now, we have all read or heard of examples of individuals experiencing trouble with the law, employers, and the feds due to postings on social media.   Remember, anything that you put in writing can and will be held against you in a court of law.  I have heard several stories of spouses involved in nasty divorce proceedings who have experienced unfavorable court rulings due to regrettable social media postings.
  2. It is there forever.
    Once you have posted something in cyberspace in a public setting, it is there forever. Even if you delete it, someone who is up to no good could have already taken a screenshot.
  3. Think of your children.
    If there are children involved, even if they are not old enough to be on social media, eventually, they will be. Their friends will be. If you call your X the spawn of the devil on Facebook, how will that make your children feel? Even if the term is justifiable and your X REALLY IS the spawn of the devil, your children are half of your X. Bashing the X hurts them.
  4. The HIGH ROAD is better in the end. It is so easy to lash out and get the last jab when the X is being abusive or hurtful via social media; however, using derogatory terms about your spouse on social media where others can view only brings you down to the same level.

My advice: Just don’t. 

In my profession, we have the Headline Test when it comes to correspondence: if you would not like for  your family to read it on the front headline of tomorrow’s newspaper, then do not write it.

The “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” principle is not always easy to follow, but it is  the best policy.  So, no matter how rotten that person may be or how much they have wronged you, if your fingers are itching to blow off steam on social media that is directed to your X, please stop and do the following instead:

  1.  Let it sit for 24 hours (give your emotions time to settle)
  2.  Confide in a friend
  3.  Write out your anger on paper and then burn the paper
  4.  Cry out to The Lord.  He is big enough to hear your anger.

It takes some self-control, but in the long run, it is always better to take the high road.



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